open what?!

I've been hearing about this on the net mostly because of some actress named Monique who married her friend who said they have an open marriage. Most ppl decided to throw in their 2 cents and went on about blah blah blah, mostly close minded republicans or ppl who are like republicans like that damn ass annoying loudmouthed blonde on the view. If she says anything about how its written in the bible one more time I'm gonna throw it at her and tell her to STFU, cause she's only famous cause she was on survivor, oh yeah that's classy right? There's a surprisingly number of celebs with open marriages, I didn't know, but hey each their own.

Anyways, that got me wondering about it. That and I stumbled upon some other girl's blog where she was talking about being in an open relationship. Though this is MY take on it, and its MY opinion, if you don't like it, don't read and leave.

You're in a relationship already, and one person, usually the guy goes I want an open relationship because
1. I'm not sure if you're the one and I want to keep my options open for when "the one" shows up I can get her
2. I like to fuck around, and doing one person just doesn't cut it for me
3. I want a free pass to cheat on you, rather several
4. I have one foot out the door already so this will make it easier
5. I want to keep my options open

Now that sounds like a pretty damn shallow, selfish, immature thing to do. If you want to date other ppl and keep the girl on as a backup well good luck convincing her. Hell if you do convince her, damn do you really want to be with someone like that? I dunno. Maybe if you really love her then you'll stop being a dick and grow up.

HOWEVER, the guy has already instinctively place unspoken rules on this open relationship. Course he doesn't tell the girl this. Somewhere in his male ego, its more like HE can go do whatever he wants with who ever he wants, and you just have to stand there and take it. pfft. Meanwhile if you hook up with some guy who's way taller, buffer, hotter, sexier, younger than him, he'll probably get mad. awe. poor baby. SUCK IT UP!

Course not all guys are like that. Some guys are and some guys aren't. But then it brings in another issue. Your man wants to cheat on you basically, and wants you to be ok with it. Which brings in something else into the bedroom.

Before it was just 2 you. Now he's banging or hooking up with some other girl, who has god knows what and has done it with who knows how many guys. So now your man has god knows what too. He's introducing new and wonderful STD's to you. And you being the receiver, are put in danger. The pill does not protect against STD's. And in this case I'm gonna be an advocate for abstinence. As long as your man wants an open relationship, he's putting you at risk. But hey its your life.

Now it may sound like I'm totally against open relationships. No, I'm not. I mean if you're a porn star, I'd understand why you'd want an open relationship. I don't really blame you for that. Or you work in the sex industry. Yeah that kinda makes sense.

Though watching HBO's Real Sex Pornicopia, where they interview and talk to porn stars, there was an episode about relationships. It was funny how Jenna Haze was saying she was all for monogamy in a relationship. She said it was funny coming from a porn star and all. But the bulk of the porn stars knew to separate sex which was work, from making love which was a personal relationship. Porn stars were like yes I go to work and I have sex. I go home and we make love. Kinda interesting how they separated the two.

Porn stars are up front on what they do. They have to. They need the other person to understand what they do. Jealousy seems to be a big problem, hence why they find it easier to date other porn stars. work is work, everything else outside that is just that, personal.

If you ladies can handle an open relationship, then kudos for you. Its about understanding and being up front about things. If your man wants a free pass to cheat on you, well you'll just have to think about that. You also have to think about if this is really worth it.

Sadly I know a lot of girls feel that they've invested a lot of time into a guy and they don't want to leave him. Kinda like a pet project. Ladies you cannot change a man, you may think you can, but seriously, why do women want to be with a man they treat as a pet project and are always trying to change? The truth is, if you don't accept them the way they are, and are always trying to change them, what is the point? Don't you have other things you need to do? Cut your losses and move on. Life's short and let's go and live it.

4 stalkers:

wuzzyangel said...

True if I'm in a supposed "COMMITTED" relationship, it better be just the two of us! None of this OPEN shit! LOL! If you're just casually dating, then I can kinda understand, only cuz there's no COMMITMENT yet.

Don't think I could do an open relationship.

ChyiX2 said...

If he wants to be in an open relationship, to me it's a strong indicator that he's just not that into me and it's time for me to move on to find someone who IS into me.

But hey, I don't judge, what works for some people might not work for others. As long as the people involved are okay with it, then why not?

Tammy said...

This is going to sound so wrong coming from a person that's married & commited, but I can understand why some people have open relationships.

Think about it - being in a relationship for a long time often means that 'newness' is gone. Those butterflies, that excitement about what the person is gonna do next, wondering how kissing them is going to make you feel...

I think people often have open relationships because sometimes there at a point in their main relationship that they're not getting what they need/want from their partner (doesn't have to be sex). Openly going out and getting what you needed from another person can make sense, especially if you choose to remain commited to your main partner..

I dunno in some way I can see how this works for some couples..

Acrossthemoat said...

MMM....I have known people (not my friends) who are in open relationships and I noticed a pattern...the women have low esteem and think they can't do any better and the guy cashes in on this and uses these insecurities as a manipulation tool to suggest an open relationship.

Initially, all these relationships had begun monogamous, but soon enough the guy looks for a way to turn it into an open situation. While there might be women out there who initiate the open relationship I have yet to meet one.From the people I have met who are in these open all begins as i said ...monogamous, then the guy gets restless. The woman already feels she can't imagine her world without him and then somehow it becomes an open relationship. I ask these women did they ever bring another guy into the always another woman or she is waiting at home while her man is off with another woman.The woman with the poor esteem and feels she isn't good enough for anything better. Instead of judging, I feel sad.