There ain't nothing like Vegas. I mean it, well maybe Amsterdam, but I haven't gotten to go there yet, so for me Vegas is pretty awesome. Aside from the damn dry skin and dry weather and hard water, Vegas is pretty awesome. I went to the Porn expo. Not CES, though that would have been fun. Just porn. And then people asked me if I was in porn. wtf? No i just like to watch it and twiddle myself to it. What? You don't? Don't lie now. We all know everyone twiddles a bit. LOL!
This post is all about the porn expo, aka AEE, adult entertainment expo. Will post up the other stuff that happened in Vegas later. Plus my bday celebrations and stuff after that. Time to make your internet work for it! Also if you're a prude, or do prudish things and do not have a sense of humor or open mind, then do not read the rest of this post! You have been forewarned, I don't want to hear any bitching or complaining! You can easily close this browser and go elsewhere.
so i got this wristband. its vip for saturday, i basically got to go in an hour early and putz around and see stuff before it got uber crowded. That and the fact that i was with the UBER pervy guys who didn't want to be with the common pervs.I should also note that I wasn't able to find a scissor and was stuck wearing this wristband till i got back. Yeah everyone knew that I was up to no good.
hustler was there! so were the other big names! cmon this is porn!
i don't know who half these chicks are!
I have NO idea how this works, the booth was empty when i was walking around, and they weren't giving out demonstrations yet.
yeah i just walked in when we saw her, and of course my guy friends were like let's get a photo! i wasn't even ready yet! clearly my jacket and bag are still on, but damn she be all up on me, wanting to dry hump me! LOL! Apparently she's really dirty, she was on Howard Stern and she does some naughty dirty things. The guys were like damn she's tiny! all petite and stuff! her name is asa akira. google that!
this is why you can't go with hornball guys. she was the 2nd girl we saw and they ran over to her. she's british apparently. sophie dee. and she likes what what in the butt! Oh yeah.
every guy wanted to stand there for some reason. I didn't know why till I stood there. And yes that creepy old guy in the background was greatly amused by this.
me and sasha grey. yes it really was her. and stop asking me what she smells like! Why is everyone asking me that?! She gave me a hug since I was one of the few girls during this sausage fest. i was kinda surprised. she's really pretty in real life, she's not all drugged up and strung out yet. She was pretty nice and happy to meet her fans, and she told me where she got her dress from. jones ny. damn that girl is thin! And yes Domo got in on it!
and a few days later i check my twitter and she responded to me saying how great it was meeting her at the porn expo! w00t!
why yes this is a wall of fleshlights. why yes, I went and molested all of them, course i did! i smacked all the little asses and puckered up all the little butt holes. you think i wouldn't? Yes I had to wash my hands thoroughly aferwards.
strippers in a truck. classy right? the strippers were hustling the crowd for dollars, yes even at the expo. They were like give us a dollar if you take a pic, and one of the strippers was hustling the crowd for it.
Porn Japan had some weird ass shit. That is all i can say...
who's nailin pailin? good question. she had a long line cause she was in that movie. i can see the resemblance.
these are some creepy ass real dolls, cause they're missing parts!
who's butt is that? yes it says eat me on her butt. its alexis texas!
damn these real dolls are getting creepy
yes this guy is about to whip her, playfully that is.
yes she's wearing a shiny dress. she's very thing actually, and the other girl is polishing it so it stays shiny!
she's being lead around like a good slave. oh her mom would be so proud
that's me with johanna angel. she's a director/producer/actor of porn. She directs for women porn. And she lives in williamsberg brooklyn, and la.
So furiousfeng if you see her, ask her for a pic! hee hee. she's kinda funny. i got an autograph of her, and she wrote some funny stuff. and she really looks like her pics, she's not heavily photoshopped like some ppl!
me and ron Jeremy. yes i believe that if mario were a real person in real life, that ron Jeremy would be him. can you believe this guy gets to bang all the hot girls out there? He gives hope to all the ugly fat guys out there, yes even the hairy ones that there is hope for them.
and yes everyone's wearing pasties! for some reason they couldn't be topless but wearing pasties were ok. Go figure.
its chloe! my god she's been in porn for a while! I remember her cause she started doing those stupid skinamax movies, and I thought she was getting out of porn. Guess not, she was happy! And yes not all porn stars have to have huge boobies!
Its Jenna Haze! She still looks good! she's aged well unlike those other porn stars that get drugged out, do meth, or crack, gain weight and just let themselves go. The line for her was insane! she just showed up and people went nuts! plus the real doll pppl were pissy cause the line went onto their side.
all things extreme, yes that's a real scorpian
This is a male porn star, evan stone, straight porn, and he's telling us the joys of being a male porn star, actually he's talking about how you have to fake an orgasm in porn. The girl fakes it, and the guy has to fake it somewhat, there's only one camera for the money shot, so while the girl is off showering, the guy has to fake an orgasm on camera. that's him faking it. and then we go off to the fake orgasm contest. it was pretty funny.
They had 3 girls and one guy. the first girl who was a fat black woman, who could be someone's mom! and showed us her grannie panties! *eek* was pretty good. the other two were kinda blah. but the guy, damn the guy was pretty damn funny.
fake orgasm contest from Jen on Vimeo.
yes that's the guy showing us ladies how its suppose to be done. LOL! if you take the HD off the vid will play and load faster. I took this with my Flip camera
oil wrestling from Jen on Vimeo.
oil wrestling! what porn expo wouldn't be complete without some oil wrestling? LOL! And damn these girls aren't just skinny girls who look good in cut offs, they will fight you! Like damn! Notice the group of pervs that showed up for this? LOL! I kid, but yeah lots of cameras came out for this. they hyped this thing up like crazy but the actual fight was shorter than the waiting.
ron jeremy doing something naughty to johanna angel. and yes everyone's got their cameras out!
omg are you offended yet? are you grossed out? Well you shouldn't be! its a rodeo penis! yes, it bucks and twitches, and NO IT DOES NOT SPARKLE! Does that vein creep you out? Does your bf have one too? it was free to ride it. So yeah course I got on it. Don't believe me?
rodeo penie from Jen on Vimeo.
This is a video of me riding the above pictured. yes you need a password to view it. as me on twitter. You think I'd freely show the world? You know when I started riding it, random people started taking pictures and video of me on it. So out there in the interwebs is me riding this thing.
there's tera patrick signing her book. I got a copy from the awesome beautymoogle. i was like yay she can sign it. but when i got there the money grubbing former porn star was like no, you gotta buy the book there, and then wait on line and i'm only gonna be there an hour. damn. she looks good, even though she's heavily photoshoppped on the book. Oh and her book has such simple sentences, it put my guy friend to sleep on the plane. she wasn't taking pictures with people either. boo!
sadly as I was walking the venetian later that night, i was twittering and tera walked right by me with her entourage of 4 ppl. Doh!
katsumi, damn she had an insane line! and she wasn't even there yet! insane! but she was really nice, and her line did move.
yeah angels, so apparently there is porn where ppl get dressed up like this. really. no really!
As you can see I'm covered up, I'm not dressed like the other women there who thought geez its like halloween where i can dress like a slut, or rather dress up like your fave porn star. most of the women there were older, like mom's and grandma's and cmon! please grandma! in this day and age of youtube and such, your grandkids will see you dressed like a skank. please put your saggy ass back in, and cover up your saggy boobs! I don't get why some of these ladies think that smearing on red lipstick and a pencil eyeliner is ok. You could do something about that bad perm, or the thick glasses you know. ugh. Seriously I did not want to see that! at all! I saw a lot of fat girls rubbing, and trying to look sexy. ugh. i know its someone's gf, but cmon! *shudders*
work that pole honey! Just remember its like a penis and you have to keep touching it and stroking it. LOL!
i have no idea what this is. yes that's a dude dressed up like that. yeah.
I also had a copy of Seymoure Butt's book Rock Her World, which is damn funny. Thanks to beautymoogle! He was suppose to show up there and sign the book, I was all excited cause I had twittered that I hoped he would sign my book, and he responded that he would! wow! so imagine me at the porn expo looking for him.
he tweeted me that he had pinkeye. awe...i was sad...but it was nice of him to acknowledge me...
he also retweeted me again, but forgot the @, but he wished me well. so that's pretty cool. he seems cool.
funny how right outside the exp they had these. lol! in your room in 20 minutes!
Oh and they had brothels there too! real life whores! I was like wow! really?! Hee hee! Hey to each their own. I aint' judging, but I am laughing!
Overall it was pretty fun, I got a ton of free lube, and free stuff. Plus being a girl helps. makes my guy friends seem less skeevy, and the porn stars seem to like seeing girls there instead of the huge swordfight going on.
before the fake orgasm contest they were throwing out stuff to the audience. The guy next to me caught two things. He gave me this one cause he didn't want it. I wonder why? LOL!
yes it's a bullet and it fits in your bag or pocket to take with you! LOL! Though i'm glad i got this cause with this i can make this other sex toy i saw at the convention. the toy is called blowguard. yeah stop making those eyes at me!
this is what it is. its silicon mouth guard with a vibrator attached at the end of it. oh stop rolling those eyes at me! you put it on the top of your mouth for one gender and then put it on the bottom for the other. i forgot what the guy said but it looked pretty damn interesting.
I got 3 bottles of this stuff! yes its to clean your sex toys! what? you don't clean your sex toys? then you've got a dirty dirty twat then! You have to clean them!
this is some weird stuff, first off its powder lube, that when you combine it with your saliva it turns into lube. Its also flavored. And its 100% vegan and kosher. go figure i got 2 samples. I have yet to try this stuff out. Their site is pretty sparse but check them out and be amused.
yes this is some of the lube i got there. damn they were giving it out like crazy. that and condoms. they are all about safe sex there!
I should say I went to the porn expo of my own free will, i had to pay for it just like everyone else, and all the stuff i'm talking about here, well no one's paying me, duh, hence why i can say whatever i want. Duh! Free speech baby!
It was fun, new stuff, new products, new porn, god they were playing porn all over the place, i was so desensitized. its not even funny. you should go at least once in your life just to see what its like, i wouldn't go every year, though some people treat it like comic con, go figure. though you may want blinders on when you see the grannies dressed like their fave porn star. *shudders*
Grandma! what happens in vegas ends up on youtube! stop that! have some shame!
i'm so going to the gym now...