since when did this turn into crap?

I calmed down a bit from before. Being that I was SO excited about my trip to cali, being that its like 20 degrees here in nyc, and I thought cali would be a great fucking escape. i mean all these wonderful blogger ladies were so willing to hang out with me and talk to me when i was gonna get out there. yummieblitz said yes we'd hang out even if i wasn't gonna be able to make it to the pow wow.

i'm super annoyed at the things that happened, when things had to be confirmed. i'm annoyed at the other things that happened. It was MY money and as it being that it was MY money it was MY decision to fly to cali, and it was MY decision to go. MINE, because I finally got paid for some stupid fucking slideshow i made months ago. Telling me I should use it to pay off my student loans is pretty fucking useless. my loan payment is like 1K a month, yeah 300 is really gonna make a hUGE dent in that right? fuck off my money! I earned it, don't give me shit cause I'm getting the fuck out of here.

Course the fact that my credit card is maxed out doesn't help. ok, fine, you had a point there. walking around with a maxed out credit card won't really help. but whatever, 300 bucks is just 300 bucks! god i even looked american airlines which was only charing 125 each way! cheaper than jetblue! no snack or anything, and a stop over in tx of all things, but hell i didn't care! 125 and i would be in warm sunny cali!

course my friend, i wasn't able to reach so i wasn't sure who or what was happening. but i can't be a bitch about it, i was gonna be a moocher and stay for free you know?

I was going to bring a bunch of ramen with me so i could eat, cause i'm a broke ass bitch, maybe that wasn't totally thought out well either. but whatever, it was my money, and it was my idea, and it was my trip. wtf? we ending up arguing and it got really nasty, that i went to my mom's house to cool off. meanwhile my mom wonders when i am going to get a job.

YES there is a job tree, its right next to the money tree, how silly of me NOT to go and get a job and money just like that off the tree! i mean here i am sending out resumes, and interviewing with stupid ppl for no apparent reason! the job tree is right there, and here I am fucking wasting my time! OMG i should just go to the job tree, and get a job that pays me 6 digits and i can sit on my ass all day! what was i thinking?!

what's worse is that he actually had the nerve to say go get a job, and you can work in a law firm again, WTF? Didn't i say I was NEVER going to work in a law firm again? that i went to grad school so i wouldn't have to do that again? his response was that i should have picked a grad school subject that was more profitable! WTF? i'm not about to go backwards and work at some law firm again! FUCK NO! he says to me that i should just get a job so i can pay loans and do stupid shit. like wtf? yeah i'll just go to the job tree, cause you know, sending out resumes is just stupid when there's a job tree right there!

I've come to realize he's not listening and he's seeing things one way, his way and i'm so fucking annoyed. its fucking cold here, and i want to go somewhere warm. i found a way to get there for cheap, even a place to mooch and ppl who would hang out with me. i'm stuck in this shitty apt with psycho creepy old man, and i'm so fucking tired of it. i'm so ready to leave.

but i'm stuck at the moment.

NEW PLAN! gotta temp, it sucks but i'm gonna suffer and do it. wearing ugly work clothes again and sweaters and banana republic and anne taylor pants and button down shirts *shudders*

but i'm not letting this go. its only our money when its convenient. its my money cause i worked for it, and they paid me months later. i'm not letting this go.

2 stalkers:

MakeupByRenRen said...

do what you need to do hon, i know the cali sisters will be able to meet up with you whenever you have a chance to get there

Violet Honeybee said...

*huggs i feel you're pain hon.. no job = Pain in the ASS! =/