Brazilian bbq P*ssy!

Ok so the title lied, there is no food porn, if you came for that sorry I don't have any in this post. Hee hee. Turn back now. xppinkx asked me about the brazilian wax and the pain faction. (If you don't want to read about it turn back NOW!)I figure let's just talk about this. This is MY experience and not everyone has the same pain threshold or desire to wax down there. And before all the feminists get on me for waxing at all, I'd just like to point out that in the vagina monologues (Yes, remember that feminists?) there is one monologue that deals with hair. Now I will just paraphrase it. Basically what I'm extracting from it is that the hair down there, is like the lawn around your house. Everyone has different houses, and what their lawn should look like.





Now, some people like to mow their lawn every weekend when they get the chance, and ride around on their motored lawn mower drinking a beer like in King of the Hill.



Some people well they like their lawn to be maintained but can't do it every week. And then there's that ONE neighbor that doesn't take care of the lawn, or rake the leaves, and lets it go crazy. the leaves blow around all over, the grass needs to be cut and just goes all over, and you know what? it makes the house look damn ugly. It makes people NOT want to go near the house or even visit.




So what you choose to do with your lawn is up to you, but just remember it reflects the house. And the house is the important thing here. (at least I like to think so) And you want the house to be the focus, the center, and not covered up by the lawn.

I started waxing like 2 years ago while I was in grad school, don't ask me why, I just did. Before that during college, my wild college years, I shaved. *gasp* yes, holding a sharp razor down there, back then it was twin or triple blade you hoped you didn't cut yourself in that oh so special area. But it was cheap and effective. The only thing I didn't realize was that it was causing my hair to grow back thicker and stubbly. But you know, in college you really don't think about these things. I maintained the lawn the best I could. Cause I didn't want to go to the beach or pool in a bathing suit and have someone go "OMG! there's a spider crawling up your leg! oh wait its not a spider" LOL. yes ladies, please maintain your area, as you do not want spider crotch. good god i didn't know hair could grow that long either!

So i went to this place in NYC, recommended by my friend, she told me yes it hurts, but they were good and fast, and you'd be out and it be over sooner than later. Their website went down, so I'm linking the daily candy article with their info. If your'e in NYC and want to try a wax, go there. Nothing like having a bunch of eastern european women wax you systematically and efficiently.

When you get waxed, decorum and shame no longer exist. Think of it as going to the woman doctor except there's no cold instruments and no paper dress for you to wear. yeah you're just laying there bottomless, no shame, just look up at the ceiling, they have all seen it before, the amount of hair and far it grows, and where it grows, nothing phases them.

My first wax was with Natasha, which was a godsend, you have to book her weeks in advance, and she is a miracle worker. she let me keep on my cotton panties while she did her thing, though I had to hold it aside. She looked at my hair and immediately knew that I shaved. To which I whimpered back yes. She kinda knew it was gonna hurt, and she told me yeah, if you've never been waxed before, this is gonna hurt a little. A little?! Ok being that I shaved and my hair grew back thicker and with a vengeance, when she waxed it, it was like OMFG! xppinkx asked me what it was from 1 - 10. She started to wax me in small portions, and i bled. Yes, i looked down and saw little dots of blood from where the hair was. i was sweating, and crying, it was beyond painful. and she was only doing the top part! She asked me if i wanted a break or if i wanted to stop. she was kinda surprised that i said keep going! keep going! she taught me to breathe like Lamaze, mostly so i wouldn't be screaming loudly and freaking out the ppl waiting outside. But apparently it allegedly helps, in that when she rips the hair out when i exhale i'm not tightening up and just holding the hairs in. so she says.



First time after I waxed, when I showered, it was weird, I have to admit it. It was weird. But at the same time, it felt liberating. Undies fit a lot nicer, its not as hot down there LOL...and yes goddamnit guys like it more. Ok maybe I shouldn't have said it but its true. Apparently they like to see what goes on down there. Some of them need a roadmap it seems, so this is just clearing the way a bit more for them.


(no that's NOT me)

It took a few weeks for the hair to start growing back, but it wasn't as gross as before. I waited a month to get waxed again. yes again, they say the week after your period is best to go, cause duh you're not bleeding and apparently you're de-sensitized or not as uber sensitive or something. I met another woman, Angela, who was very gentle. I had to tell her this was my second time, and I wasn't really used to it. she was very understanding, and said ok, don't worry I'll take care of you. she's pretty nice and such a mom. She does a great job, gets the ingrowns, tells me to exfoliate, tells me I'm one of her more fun clients cause i laugh when she waxes me, i guess its a nervous reaction of sorts. Some people cry, some ppl sing, I apparently laugh. At this point in time, I pretty much know the drill, go on, bottom off, and sit on the thing and she comes in. she always seems to like that i wear sesame street socks. Yes i'm in some weird positions, but she goes really fast, i'm done in less then 15 min, usually 10, but she likes to chat with me. She also wondered what happened to me during finals, cause i didn't go monthly, and she saw that i wrote about the spa in yelp. She was like you disappeared but all these other ppl started coming...strange...



Waxing in the summer months is a good thing, esp if you're wearing a swim suit. Spidercrotch! Some ladies don't get a full on brazilian take everything off, and just opt for the sides or some weird combo. I figure since you're already there, bottomless with your regions exposed, just wax it all off. :P

So overall, the first time will probably hurt the most. unless you have a low threshold for pain, to which it would just suck each and every time. I still jump a little when i get waxed, i never really get used to the feeling, but i don't sweat or cry anymore. I just lay there and hope for it to be over, sooner than later. They say its suppose to grow back finer, thinner to the point that it won't grow back anymore. i haven't reached that point, it still grows back, but its not as crazy thick as it was before, it is softer and finer.

I'm not saying everyone should run out and get waxed. Hell I know some people are just damn ass against it. Some people think that women shouldn't have to groom down there. truth is, some guys DO groom down there cause they know it'll turn into the amazon rain forest if they don't. And some guys don't, but when they see the house, they'll definitely want to visit. I wax for me, not for a man, or for anyone else, I do it cause I want to.

I'd like to think that someone that takes care of themselves in all aspects would attract someone that also takes care of them. If your law looks like this,



then your house will look like this...


an abandoned, decrepit house, that apparently no one bothers to take care of. Take care of your lawn, and take care of the house. Don't give me the my bf/man/husband/lvoer loves me for me and doesn't care what it is down there. great. like I said, do it for you, not for anyone else.

It will hurt...get over it...

if you are disturbed by this entry and did not stop when I told you to stop at the beginning, well learn to read and follow directions. And no there will be no before and after pictures.


yeah I don't really know anyone who gets waxed with their friend right there or with their friend....that's just me...

5 stalkers:

MakeupByRenRen said...

LOL i like the comparisons to mowing your lawn...i went through a period where i got brazilians for a while...but then i got lazy and veet seems to work pretty well for down there...

jie jie said...

i'm guilty of shaving. i was so scared to have those blades in that region. but i seem to have gotten the hang of it now.. i'm just too scared of any sort of pain, so i still cannot bring myself for a brazilian. lol at this post.. so funny, and it all makes sense with your comparison with the lawn. it's weird how the two girls were in the same room getting their brazilian. they must be very close.

ainstein said...

brazilians hurt like a !@#$%^& the first time i ever got it done, i did it myself because i just couldn't have someone do it for me LOL. n omg it hurt soooo much!i had to stop in the middle of it cos i just couldnt take the pain. they say taking tylenol or advil helps with the pain but i dont think so LOL. nehoots, funny post!

xppinkx said...

OMFG Prey

This is gunna be a long comment!...
Numero Uno! Mucho Gracias for letting me know what kinda lawn i have....it kinda looks like central park at midnight behind the bush w/ 2 gay men and a chipmunk

since im so graphic and almighty i minus well tell you a tale...
i am guilty of shaving my poon...yes!!! LADIES I SHAVE !!! one time when i was 14 i was bored enough to pluck what hairs of my pre-pubescent clam...i had to do a book report but i rather much pluck my chicken instead...one by one...slowly but surely...2nd story...me and my bf made a bet on how long we can go w/o shaving our pubes....yes by Bf shaves ...so he can fulfill my fantasies of looking like a little boy...and my poon looks like a homeless man's face...when i go to the beach i gel my pubes to the center and pray for the best...i kid on that one...but yeah...no wax has ever touched my roast beef

Prey...after reading this post i dont think i ever laughed so hard at reading something...i love the fact that you have a "nervous laugh"...it's kinda funny ...the video is hilarious

i am deathly afraid of needles and sharp pain...i dunno prey...im looking at my razor and it's hungry...or should i go to helga and test out my vocals...

i need to be barren ASAP...

SUGABUM said...

"OMG! there's a spider crawling up your leg! oh wait its not a spider"

Hahaha! I never thought about it like that before. You're too funny.

Ahhh, shaving down there....can you say OUCH! Glad you've stopped doing that!

Funny how you still remember the names of the ladies who waxed you two years ago. You know, I've never gone to a spa to wax before; I've always done it myself. I'm not really comfortable spreading eagle and have someone else inflict pain on me. I know those specialists see nanis all day long and it's nothing special to them, but I'd much rather have control over it myself.

And damn, I love how my skin feels whenever it's just been cleaned up. So nice and soft, I just want to stroke it all day long, hahaha. =)

And, yea, wtf is up with ppl saying hair may eventually stop growing if you wax? I've been doing it for years and there ain't no stopping those suckers!

The video doesn't work for me. =(