i didn't get the memo

why am I still standing here? Why is it that I'm still here hoping and wondering for you? Why is it that I'm here wondering about the life I had in me that I watched die? Why is that I wonder about what could have been? why do I imagine what it could have been? Why is it that I'm still stuck here in this damned place while you're no where to be found? Why is it that i yearn for normalcy , something most women have and take for granted while I can only hope that it returns to me? Why is it that when I had that life inside me, i was too afraid to say or do anything? Why was it I let it die? Why is it that I let that part of me die? WHy did you let it die for? Was it not special to you? Was it not sacred? Was anything sacred at all? Why am I still here yearning for something that's long gone, something that died so long ago, that you never knew or cared about. Why is it that I'm still here hoping, while you're gone? Why is there leaf like veins scaring inside me forever? Why is it that my body heals but my mind cannot? Is it because I cannot see it healing before me physically that i doubt that it can? Is it because I have doubted everything and everyone now. Is it because I have lost all hope. Is it because you let that part of me die? Am I ruining your fun? Did I cramp your style? Did I satisfy that raging fetish of yours? Is it because I yell at you and you only recoil and return a cold callous stare and then walk away? These thoughts are all jumbled, the past and the present, and what will be. All of them floating around in my mind. Each one makes it harder to make it through the day, each one makes it harder to breathe. Each time I exhale I try to let go, but some part of me can't. Some part of me hates you so much for everything, and hopes it would all just disappear, but then some part of me still loves you...God why? The seconds turn into minutes, the minutes into hours, hours into days, and still not enough time will ever pass to make it ever stop hurting. Why am I still here? Why am I still hoping?

Oh wait, I didn't get the memo...you just don't give a shit...

Here's your memo, that part that you let die, it wasn't just part of me that died, it was also part of you.

3 stalkers:

Violet Honeybee said...

=(

*huggs.. I know it doesn't really mean much but stay strong hon.. I hate seeing you sad like this. =(

Fei said...

Aw, babe... You sad makes me sad. :\

miss kittens said...

I'm sorry :\ Sounds like it sucks.