the aftermath....with no one left standing, i look past the smoke and dust...there is nothing here...i said it, i confronted him, and he denied it, and yet i don't know what to believe....so many different people saying stuff...argh...yet he still messes with my mind, playing these games with me all the time...testing me constantly...this is a game...a game i let him play and win...i called him on it, and he denied it...as always...part of me wanted to believe him, and part of me watned to rip his head off...so we talked and talked and so now i wonder...she we say we're ok and we're kosher and we've got this bond, but yet you still do this to me...you still mess with my mind...even now...i asked him and he flatly denied it...sigh...i don't know...i'm not strong enough to do this...and watch him toy with me...to watch me react to him...and what he's doing...to bend my will to watch me bend to his will, to his every whim, where everything I believe in, because shrouded in the chaos and all that is left is you. You standing there holding all the cards, you standing there knowing it's all a game to you, knowing that I can never win because I always let you win. Why do you do this? Because you can and you continue to do so. Things are too confusing now, as people tell me I have to make a choice, but there is no choice that I can make that will make me happy. I know that if I stay I will always want and linger and desire what is out there...you...and if I go, I know you will just hurt me, I know it, yet part of me wants it, part of me wants you, and I know I can never have you. why do you toy with me like this? You're suppose to be my friend, suppose to be, but you're not, and I let you get away with this...goddess why....

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